Parents are faced with the question of an appropriate dating age at earlier and earlier times in their children’s lives. It’s not unusual to hear about 13 year olds who are double dating with older teens or in a group. Children, as young as second grade, talk about ‘going steady’, even when they aren’t talking to the girl or guy.

Experiencing dating at an earlier age also carries with it negative consequences that affect not only the life of the teen but also the life of their family and community. Dating places a teen in the position of being alone with a member of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, although not physically present, they also are under the influence of pressure from their peer group to perform up to their group’s expectations.

There are several things that parents can do to help prepare their teen to engage in a positive dating relationship.

Well to start, ensure that as your child is growing, that you have straightforward talks with them. Discuss sexuality. Talk about the couple you see hugging or kissing in public. You may or may not approve with these types of display in public, but you also can’t ignore them. Your children don’t. Talk with them about your ethics and morals so that they can see where your opinion comes from. However be sure that you are having a conversation and not just a lecture on what you think is right. Have an open discussion and you will find that your kids will confide in you.

Second, show the appropriate behavior yourself. Especially if you are a single parent. Show them that you practice what you preach on your dates. Children are much more observant than we may think, and they definitely learn from watching. So be sure to act the way you say you act. And regardless of whether you are single or married, maintain respect for one another and display the behavior that you expect from your children.

Then set parameters as to the guidelines about when, who and how you will allow your child to date. Don’t give them a silly ultimatum like ‘when you grow up!” They won’t understand this and just become rebellious. Instead, give them examples of maturity such as doing well in school; maintaining their chores; and acting responsibly.

With these parameters set, see how they live up to them. But be flexible. Talk with them and let them know that dating is a maturity priviledge and in order to partake, they must show maturity in other areas of their lives as well.

Trust comes with maturity. Be sure that your children understand this. Let them realize that this trust is an earned priviledge, not a given one. Ensure that they show you responsibility in the smaller day-to-day things so that they can earn your trust for the larger items – like dating. As an example, if they cannot be responsible in completing their homework, they cannot expect to have earned your trust on an important matter such as this.

Also, prior to letting your child date, inquire as to whether there is a curfew in your community. Nothing will put the brakes on a first date like being brought home by the police.

When talking about your son or daughter dating include your own beliefs about dating, sexuality and how it all integrates into a relationship. Teens who have a consistent relationship with their own parents are more likely to understand their belief system and consider that in their own decisions. For instance, if the parent believes that sex should be something experienced after marriage and communicates that in a number of different ways as the child is growing and developing (including modeling that behavior if the parent is single) the child is more likely to exclude sex from their dating relationship.

Parents who work with their teens to help them determine what’s best for them while giving them gentle guidance will often find that teens are willing to work within the parents criteria, especially when they are explained in a manner that the teen understands.

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